Regina Káró: ”If you fail at something, there is only one thing you should never do: quit. Because you can always try again.”

Regina, who has suffered head and brain injuries, has been learning to walk and talk again for the past 6 years, but her rehabilitation will be a lifelong process. Although there are visible marks of her accident, she is now able to live with the changes and make the most of them. Regina is a member of the Richter Phoenix community and her story is an inspiration to all women in difficult situations to never give up, because you can always get up and start again, you just need to recalculate.

You don't remember anything about your accident, but you remember your life before it. What was Regina like before the accident? How did she live, what were her dreams and aspirations?

Before the accident, Regi was an outgoing, party-loving, confident, and assertive girl, now Regi is more reserved and withdrawn. According to my friend Anna, my core qualities are still the same, such as my endurance and stubbornness, but they've just changed a little bit because of the accident and the years that have passed. But of course, I am sure I’m different on the outside than I experience "me" and my changes on the inside.

Before the accident, I was working in the hotel and catering industry, working nights, living my life with the "you only live once" attitude typical of young people. I don't remember exactly having any big dreams, but I do know that I had high hopes for my American internship. My desire to gain experience in an international setting and to be appreciated seemed to have been fulfilled. I loved the US and I arrived at the American luxury hotel as a waitress. I had to meet very complex requirements and I wanted to prove that I could do it.

I have always loved travelling, I wanted to see the whole world and that desire is still there today. I'm very proud that my injuries didn't get me benched.

Travel may require more planning now, but nothing can hold me back.

Do you remember that moment when you realized that your life would never be the same again as it was before your accident? What was the hardest thing to accept and come to terms with?

I realized that my life had changed forever about a year after my mother and I came home from America. It was after a festival that I realized I could no longer tolerate and deal with as many external stimuli as before. I had already accepted that my movement would not be the same, but it was very bad to be confronted with the fact that I was sometimes too "overwhelmed" by impulses because of my skull injury. At first, of course, I would have crashed and burned to get my old life back, but luckily I had just started writing my thesis, so that distracted me.

Anyone who has seen my short film or exchanged a few words with me knows that it's the change in my speech that I find most difficult to process. I'm upset that I couldn't take the oral part of the final exam when graduating and that I can't converse perfectly in either language. But I try to look on the bright side: I communicate well in writing in Hungarian, English, and Italian. And I think there's a lot of good stuff in the "new" Regi, you just have to discover it.

What physical and mental phases did you go through during your rehabilitation in the US and then here at home? When you received the diagnosis, what did you feel, what did you think: did you immediately feel a surge of "yes, I can do this" or did you hit a serious low?

We came back from America without a diagnosis because no two brain injuries are the same, you can't predict what to expect.

While I was in a coma, no one told my mother exactly what I would be able to do when I woke up. They just told her that there was a possibility that my personality would change, too and to be prepared for that. 

The traumatic head and brain injury was a fact, but they could not say to what extent the affected areas could be improved. I was given advice on what to be careful of in this type of injury and what was forbidden, but they didn't say that anything was impossible and that gave me great strength. It gave me hope that when even the experts don't know where the limit is and there is no pre-written scenario, anything is possible. My physiotherapist in the US also encouraged me by saying that it was up to me what I could achieve. At the time I felt I was unstoppable. I also saw the same thing from my mother, who taught me by her own example, that you should never give up. But I don't want to mislead anybody, because there have been low points. But in the end, I always got up, I recalculated and I kept going. And I still believe that you only live once, but that phrase has now taken on a new meaning for me: you only live once, so take care of yourself, because some things can never be undone.

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Photo: Gábor Dorcsák

What is your focus now, what are your main goals?

Achieving a fully independent life is my main goal and fortunately, I have already taken the first steps on this path. However, in order to keep at it, it is important that I continue with the rehabilitation and the sessions. At the same time, I want to do well at work. However, my accident has taught me one important thing: to focus on really living in the moment, because who knows how long it will last. That doesn't mean that I don't plan at all, of course, but rather that I have shorter-term plans.

You mentioned that there was a time when you hit rock bottom. Where did you find strength then? What and who got you through it?

It was an important realization that I cannot deal with my traumas alone, I need a psychologist who can help me. When I was confronted again and again with the fact that my rehabilitation was still not over, I was very depressed. At those times, my mother gave me strength by pointing out how much I had improved from a year earlier. Then it taught me to compare myself from 1-2 years ago to now and I would always "vitalize myself" and think that I could do even better. But what gave me strength in the beginning, made me tired after a while. The feeling of never having an end and actually not knowing why exactly I was struggling. I am stronger now and I can take such obstacles more easily. In any case, learning to look back and not forget where I started from gives me incredible strength to this day.

How has your relationship with your mother changed over the years? Do you have any common habits?

We had a strong mother-daughter bond since the loss of Dad, and now it has become even more resistant. It's really nice to know that I can really count on her at any time. 
Because my mum raised me on her own, there are some things we are very similar in, like our impatience, but she is a much more firm and quicker decision-maker as a manager. Being my boss has also given our relationship a new framework because there are things I can say to a mother but not to a superior. I had to learn that too. But I'm very grateful to have such a cool mom. We go to concerts and the theatre together a lot and of course, she is my number one travel companion.

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Photo: Gábor Dorcsák

You graduated and wrote your thesis on the employment opportunities for people with disabilities, using your own experiences. What advice would you give to young people who have been through a similar trauma as you?

I would not dare to give advice, because each trauma is different and I am not familiar with the subject in such depth.

However, for anyone who has suffered any kind of trauma, I can only recommend that you see a trauma therapist specialist.

And to those who feel hopeless, I say: don't despair if something doesn't work out as quickly as you'd like. You just have to find the method or strategy that works for you. It is worth focusing on what we can control and looking at where we want to go: forward. In the meantime, it is OK to cry, and even to complain if something doesn't work, but there is one thing you must not do: quit. Because you can always try again. It's OK if we don't know what to do next, but we must always look for opportunities. And you don't need to know the end result to improve. You should always focus on the next step and be happy with every small result.

Have your friends stood by you or has your life changed completely in that way, too?

Some people have stood by the "new" Regi, so there are friendships that have deepened and we have got to know each other better. Most of my friends were open to the change at first, but there were relationships that wore out or didn't revive. It may have been because they expected something different from me, or because they expected my pre-accident self back, or even because my speech was the barrier.

I no longer want to live up to all kinds of external expectations, and anyone who cannot accept me as I am now is better off not being part of my life. Those who are close to me see that I have remained interested, adventurous, and funny and that I can be counted on. Rehabilitation can only be done in a positive and constructive environment, so I try to surround myself with people who convey that energy. This doesn't mean that I need to be sugar-coated, so you can come to me with any problems or difficulties, I'm very happy to help if I can. It's more about the everyday attitude.

What do you think are the qualities and strengths you developed after your accident that will help you achieve your goals?

I'm much more compassionate now and I'm sure that this quality of mine has been strengthened as a result of the accident. I am also more persistent and determined. My mother says that she can now even employ me as a finance officer in her company because I am more precise and I can cope with monotonous work much better. I used to be unable to work in an office and sit in one place for so long.

Where are you now in your rehabilitation? What do you want to improve and make a positive change in?

My physiotherapist and I are now focusing on stretching and functional use of my right arm. Besides that, we don't forget my gait and my legs, the focus is on improving my balance. And of course, I want to improve my speech, so with my phoniatrist we are trying different new techniques because you never know which one will work and which one will help you make progress.
All we know is that there will be a ceiling because too many areas in my head are damaged, but we haven't reached it yet and we can't predict where it is. Fortunately, I have managed to find dedicated professionals who are doing everything they can to help me improve, which motivates me to do my best.

What is your biggest dream that you know you want to make come true?

So far, it has been to return to America, including the scene of the accident. Now that I have done that, my greatest wish is that my mom would take me to Bali, to the monkeys. But I also want to visit my girlfriend in San Francisco or my relatives in northern Europe. I have travel destinations on my dream list because I know they are achievable dreams, but I'm in no hurry. In time, they will all come true.

The Richter Phoenix Community 
”Vivere militare est. – To live is to fight.” (Seneca) 
Life can often present us with situations where we feel weak or feel that our future is bleak. At such times, we can be motivated by an inspiring story that sets an example. One of the aims of the Richter Phoenix Community, launched in 2018 as part of the Richter for Women program, is to inspire others through the courageous women featured in the program – women who not only stood up from a difficult situation but also dared to speak out about it. The program's patrons are Olympic bronze medalist and Paralympic champion fencer Pál Szekeres and Gabriella Jakupcsek, who has been instrumental in its implementation since the beginning.

The interview was supported by Gedeon Richter Plc.