”I’m not going to give up on my brother” – Tamás Kertész swimmer looks after his wheelchair-bound brother 24 hours a day

Staying afloat

He started training again in June after a six-month break due to a serious ankle injury. Due to the complicated category system of swimming and a childhood misdiagnosis, Tamás Kertész competes in the non-disabled category but has also competed in some events in para-swimming. The athlete of the Special Education Methodology Center's Sports Association  (MDSE) had already set his sights on the 2016 Rio Olympics, but the A-level time and thus the qualification at the age of fifteen remained a dream. Having resumed his training, he now believes that if his rehabilitation and preparation go well, he has a chance of qualifying for the Paris Olympics.

Long miles at dawn, multiple training sessions a day... we can imagine the superhuman work that goes into an Olympic quota. But

someone who lifts not only weights every day but also his disabled brother has strength other than that of a top athlete.

Tamás and his seven-years older half-brother Roland Horváth were brought up in the Károlyi István Children's Center in Fót after their mother gave them up when Tamás was six. The brothers were orphaned a few years after moving to the center. The Children's Center is often thought of as a 'compulsory' stop in the life of a kid whose life went off the tracks, but for Tamás it was not an insurmountable handicap, but rather a refuge. "I don't like to call it an institution, because we went home there. We were brought up, loved, and taught to stand our ground. There is no substitute for normal family circumstances, but part of the void was filled by the fact that we were looked after. The care I received helped me to accept that I don’t have parents."

Casting for love

His disabled half-brother was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy at an early age, and although he can do many things independently, he needs a wheelchair and constant assistance. Initially, Tamás was suspected of having a similar diagnosis, but this was not confirmed either at subsequent reviews or at the time of the athlete's classification. The brothers' "roles" were set early on:

Tamás became his brother's physical support while Roland was the one who helped his brother through when he was overwhelmed by life.

As schoolchildren, they got in touch with the Duchenne Hungary Foundation through Roland. The foundation supports children with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and their families, organizing community events and summer camps. Tamás also participated in these as a personal assistant to his brother. Soon other campers began to count on him too, and he became a volunteer you could count on in every task: lifting, bathing, accompanying those who need help, or even helping them to get dressed, but mostly he helped his brother and his brother's best friend. Sometimes, not only during the camps but also for a few hours on weekdays, he helps friends he got to know at the Foundation.

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Photo: Jácint Jónás

"Actually, Roli raised me. It's funny because, on the other hand, he's dependent on me. My brother gave me a lot, he taught me to accept others and to use my time well." And no doubt: Tamás’s time management could be called the sixth love language. He completes ten to twelve training sessions a week on an individual basis, following a prescribed training plan. At a university in Budapest, he studies logistics by correspondence and photography and graphic design in the evening. In addition to his studies, which he is completing with excellent results, he spends his weekends swimming, meeting his girlfriend, or volunteering at the Foundation - and he does it all by constantly rearranging his schedule to suit Roland's needs. "The most important is that we're always on our phones, always available for each other. I usually sleep in Fót, but if my brother is sick, I spend the night at their place. If I get permission at the times of competitions, I come home to help him, but if we really can't manage because I have to travel to the countryside or abroad, we ask our friends in the area for help."

If there’s a bond do you have to help?

Until his graduation, Tamás can still be a resident at the center in Fót, in the so-called aftercare unit but he spends most of his time at the home of Roland and his wheelchair-bound wife in Budapest so he can help out whenever he needs. The physical need for Tamás' service can hardly be overestimated. He does not deny this, but he does not see it as a tragedy either. "My brother's weight is one and a half to two times mine, and sometimes when I have to lift him a lot, I feel it's too much. But I love him and I love that I can help him. It's a joy for me that he always thanks me for whatever I do."

Sometimes it is difficult to identify love when it takes the form of a sense of duty. When Tamás says that "I help him because I have to" it is simply the truth and not something forced. He never felt that his brother was a burden and although it pains him to be abandoned, he would never be able to say of his parents that he had not loved them: if he had not loved them, he could not love Roli. "They gave me up, well…. okay. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on my brother."

Tamás is a good example of the fact that even if we find ourselves in a situation without being asked we can still participate in it freely.

"If someone needs help, especially twenty-four-hour help, it really requires sacrifice and leaves minimal free time for the helper. Travelling is something you really have to think through and there are some things that you have to let go of - for example, I’m in my twenties and I've never been to a party. But you spend your free time with the people you love anyway."

Tamás wears a memento of one of their most cherished moments together: a tattoo of the Colosseum on his right forearm. "My brother had never flown before but thanks to sports competitions and an Erasmus program, I had been to Italy many times. In 2019 the two of us went to Rome from all my scholarship savings. The city is full of cobbled streets and hills, so for five days I had to push Roli on two wheels almost the whole time - now that was tiring. But it was worth it because it made me happy." Roland got married this spring and they went on a honeymoon to the Eternal City. There were three of them, of course, because they took Tamás, his best man with them.

A man in the background

The younger brother is the support of the body and the older one is the support of the soul. According to Tamás, there is no reason to change the established setup. The intimate relationship between brothers would not be possible with a professional helper whose work they could not afford anyway. When planning his own family Tamás wants to be close enough to help but not always at arm's length. He seems to have found a supportive partner in his girlfriend. As he says with a smile, "Oh, she has our lives mapped out!"

"I never promote myself, I don’t let the world know what I do, and I don't like to post on social media. I sometimes think about what it would be like to live in a normal family with loving parents, what it would be like if Roli wasn’t sick but I've never thought about being the center of attention. I'm fine in the background," says Tamás, who also thinks that having a good heart is the main criterion for becoming a role model. "Outside the world of sport, my brother is the only role model for me: he has always been there for me. He helped me through the separation from my parents and kept me going when I was going through a rough patch at the beginning of my high school years. Adam Peaty is the swimmer I look up to the most. He's not like, hey, I'm a top athlete, now everybody, look up to me! He's very supportive and does a lot of charity work. He also gets his family involved in the sport. I like his attitude."

When asked to highlight his most important goals Tamás does not start with following the footsteps of the multiple Olympic and world champion Peaty, not even with the Paris Olympics. The young man's ambition now is to get his degree, and he wants to continue his studies, first at master's level and then even higher. Equally important, he wants to continue helping as many people as possible. "To do that, I need to stay healthy. My health is more important than getting to the Olympics."